wander... wonder... whatever
a public diary of personal rants and raves, dim insights and little lights...
Now you know what you're in for.. someones incoherent inner dialogue. It sometimes quite amazes me that the same 'me' wrote all of these vastly different entries... but thats not the point.. the point is that there is no point and noone really cares anyway so what the fuck....
2000-08-15 typing for the sake of typing, i should actually go to sleep but i may just have something to say... wat ook al.. wie gee om... blabber blabber blah dah hah teedaa
2000-06-17 It does not matter what you do. If you do it with confidence people will play along.
2000-06-10 I hate the world and I want iT to die. I wish I could just BE. But still, I am caught up in this SHITHOLE where noone seems to be as free...
2000-02-15 lifetimes later, i once again turn to.. is this the world??? well, anyway, whatever... i've been in heaven for 3 months... and the indifference or even MiSeRy of unshared infatuation drives me here again...
12-06-99 heeeeelp, my sinuses are suffocating me... yeah.. suffocating spaces... well, through a series of miscommunications and backstabs, i'm left homeless.. i've just packed all my stuff in boxes...
12-03-99 i had quite a meaningful few days and have thought quite a bit about my own future.. last night I watched some movies. poetry of all around me, and sinusitis... keeping me from the comfort of sleep.
11-17-99 ditto... another little studybreak...
11-16-99 studying.. and bottled up leftover ideas from the week i didn't write
11-15-99 nausea.. (food poisoning)
11-07-99 last night. and my dreams are running away with me lately..
11-06-99 another dream... very concretely and poetically about the nature of existence..
11-05-99 a quite cool dream, i just typed it up after i woke up. at the end of the dream i was a spirit without realising it.
11-04-99 how i intend to create life. the geometry of existence. the main loop in the program of evolution. a constructive science of art.
11-03-99 johnny's back.. the guy i used to write about in my school essays... the one that used to get me brilliant marks... and no, he doesn't really exist, its only a 21st Century Fairytale
11-02-99 thoughts while walking home, spoke to the dean of sciences, and wondered if my future will become reality. fear and idolisation. arts, sciences and administration as their greatest obstacle - and in my case the only obstacle barring attemts at uniting them. And my solution to all the world's problems. (don't expect any revelations)how would you feel if i gave you a computer that takes all the admin out of your life so you could pursue just what pleases you most? what would you do? start thinking... yes, I might be a nutcase, but I hope (of course) that I am no more of a nutcase than the nutcases in history that shaped our society into what it is that people can come to love to hate.
10-31-99 did some webbrowsing and found some really really wonderful poetry... and, last night... arg...
10-30-99 aaaawwwwwwww..... (yeah yeah soppy me) but Love at first sight... is alive and well...
10-27-99 another night on the town. with some philosophical twists... suicide,nd soulmates, balance, frustration... and lot of innocent swearing...
10-21-99 i just found some quite nice lyrics in the most unexpected places... again.. there are so many people who hide their most beautiful parts... unknowingly... for good reasons...
10-20-99 this reality that lives and thinks in days, months and years is actually a creature with its own reality, a reality that very few of us share.. anyway, i started typing this entry thinking that being satisfied with insatisfaction, sometimes at least, is a HORRIBLY cruel fate bestowed upon us by the wonders of breathing... if reading that sentence sucked, focus on that irritating feeling and realise how i felt.
09-26-99 not consciously, it just grows by itself
09-12-99 thinking of thoughts that sickens me, nothing-accomplishing vicious cycles and lifes catch-22's.
09-10-99 another little entry about the meaning of life, love, idols, escapes, problems and solutions, answers, and questions.. in many forms.
08-25-99 Ek sit in 'n pub terwyl twee kennisse guitar speel, hulle kom op 'n lekker vibe en freak uit met 'n lang lead break. Antidepressants, mind over matter, en net plain flippen politeness. Medication makes it too easy for me to let people unknowingly insult me..
08-23-99i see god... the one source of all... the big bubble... which spawns these little bubbles of energy.. existence. strange thoughts, imagery and logic.. one of the infinitudes of fundamental natures of things...
08-09-99contemplating at oppikoppi... so much pain where people supposedly go to enjoy themselves...
07-26-99-b [i completly forgot about these dark ups and downs]
07-26-99 more diaries i keep discovering... i would have thrown away... meaning of learning & unlearning
07-17-99 what am i looking for? why can't i decide on something?
07-01-99 why dream more than you can do? down and out... here, where you can do what you dream... you have to dream what you do to see...
06-28-99 psychosis is.. when consciousness turns on itself so many times that the initial context it turned from is lost.
06-25-99 frustrated, thinking, lying on some beach...
06-22-99 life, the space between actions and dreams
06-20-99 giving without holding back..
04-29-99 siamese dream..
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