.everything in everything, curiously circular.. and those ever so fine lines.
someday i'll compile this into something meaningful. meanwhile i don't update this ever more, if you're looking for something fresh try my more-or-less public diary
guess theres not enough common understanding of things we feel... or not enough creativity to express it in terms of things more clearly defined... and thus.. the things we do feel and cant express are meaningless if not motivation to find meaning..
im not as good as
some at turning these ideas to mythology. maybe one day i'll
design that self-designing thing with the amazing plot and
effects thats never the same twice.. the one you live in when you
close your eyes.. the what-it-should-have-been of any lesser book
you've read, movie you've seen or experience youve ever had
language sucks so much, its so stupid..
it can actually accomodate totally irrational conclusions..
or no, language is actually so damn cool because of that.
pick your view, its there
in the big book of contexts...
wheres that line between total chaos and art?
or, for that sake, rational and irrational..
yeah, nevermind that.. what the hell is rational in the first
place?
words are such vague approximations, of this irrational domain of
feeling...
life should actually be so damn great when youve figured out that
big scheme where you can fit absolutely everything you come
across into, and turn it into what you want it to be... just
think, you never have to notice anything you dont like, or, you'd
notice it but it'd show you how do what you'd love
i saw this interview with eric clapton once, he put it like this
- the thing about life is wanting what you have rather than
having what you want.
yeah.. quite true.. in so many senses... it was so great to hear him say that......
The more
associations between things you can make, the freer you are, i
guess..
The freer you are, the more positive vibes to spread... or
negative...
Hmm, so how free are schizo's?.. i'd actually dig to have conversations with some people certified crazy by western narrowminded [in general, sadly] psycho-capitalisto-ologists. [ideally a "perfect" psychologist would'nt accept payment for his/her services... cuz it would be your partner or full-time companion.. maybe i lied, a perfect psychologist would charge money for showing and teaching you how to communicate feeling more effectively. teaching does'nt imply anything more than by example.. hmm. the definition of psychologist should be "compromise for a soulmate".. or god for that matter, religion's supposed to do that... psychology should teach how to show people how to shape their idea of perfection to be compatible with the world]
*
Doesn't positive emotion depend on a degree of uncertainty? for one, im not really excited when something happens the way i thought it would, even though i might have been excited at the thought.. when everything happens as i thought, i usually only see something more into it afterwards, reflecting on all the little things that went into it you could never really have anticipated
*
did astrology
survive because theres more to it than just some need to predict
in the human psyche? (Just like science.. and thought) Or rather..
i reckon it purely survived because it assigns roles to people...
(and the more people conform to these roles, the more true it
does get... nah.. but... how much is really possible? and this is
anyway not the case) Shouldn't it merely point out probabilities
and possibilities?
I guess.. its got nothing really to do with planets.. planets are
just an easy way of relating some cycles in our lives.. very
complex rythms. and life happens in cycles about as irreggular as
the movement of chunks of rock through space.. day, night, summer,
winter...
pluto moves slowest,
say, to a different sign every 20 years, who knows? anyway..
assign like some quality to people born with pluto in the same
general area... cuz generations of people do have things in
common, people born on the same time do have more in common than
others.. more shared reality and experience does equal more
common ground... which does make people similar. take twins..
born at the same time, and almost almost at exactly the same
place. now if it was exactly the same place, they would be 100%
similar and have 100% similar lives and basically, because it was
exactly the same place, they would be the same one person...
---
... i reckon the only way i can accomodate people who think that life is only possible on this one place.. a possibility so completely impossible, actually, considering the size of the universe we know... but i wonder how much these chances are reduced if you think about it in terms of a special configuration of planets and a special interaction of those planet's gravitational fields, as a premise for the evolution of life.
this seems like such
bull i should just wipe it.. but then again, i didnt.. cuz it
does make sense.. sometimes..
but life is so much more of a journey than a destination... this
is probably one of the most unscenic routes then..
at a time i was convinced that a little pebble in my shoe is just as alive as i am.. not that i was dead... or that the clouds had more personality than most people i could weigh myself up to.. i just thought it was dead cuz i cant see it communicating in very complex ways.. it was communicating yeah.. with me, with my shoe, with the ground i chucked it on.. or is that not communication?? interaction definitely.. does anything just happen by itself???
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psychology, intelligence, simulation of mental illness.. wait.. what about... design of new personality disorders.. in the future of computer simulation..
imagine the impossibilities.. that could be overcome....
art vs maths.. (what
do i know?? besides that fact..) That there is order and chaos,
and that it can be predicted that the final outcome of existence
would be all order, all chaos, or a balance. Who gives a fuck and
why did i wonder??? umm.. i wondered because ive heard arguments
that science and mathematics are in conflict with creativity and
art.. well, it is systemising art.. on that level, does it take
away the excitement?? i guess so.. unless youre some slow-thinking
fuckup professor. sorry, all respect, no offence, i'm just glad
im not... can we stop it? if we dont will we lose humanity to
some kind of mindless order? can one person make a difference?
does one person really give enough of a f*ck to even think up
things like this?? and then, when it has been thought up to do
something about it?? what the fuck??? yes?
personally... i dont see any sense in stuff like this.. yet...
maybe i havent been nurturing my brain with quite as much
chemicals as i suspect of some people i've come across, have..
think about it though, how long before our minds dump our human
bodies for some better form... and then dump that for something
else, until our minds are everything.. ie GoD.. and why should we
care for perpetuating our weird human form?
Unless we all always loved it as much as I sometimes do...
---
isnt coincidence some kind of order in chaotic patterns.. an incident that caused a change in our perceptions... this change is due to a collection of neurotransmitters that was released in order to release these neurotransmitters, a certain condition needs to be satisfied, in order to satisfy a condition, it needs to be defined.. this definition is what the fuck i was trying to define with all this crap and i lost myself.. who cares...
.. isnt just the word "coincidence" somewhat of a contradiction?? Because.. in order to have a word for something, it needs to be structured and defined.. i mean, to be able to speak, and express anything in symbols, you need to rationalise it (in some absolute sense). take an image of the largest possible consciousness in time, it would probably need the least rational communication between its units or wtf ever
back to where i was.. chaos is by definition unstructured and undefined.. to have a word for something, that word has to refer to something we can perceive. so, yeah, we can perceive structure.. we can perceive chaos.. or can we?? cant we ONLY perceive structure? and if we perceive chaos, we're in reality only perceiving.. some kinda approximation..
ag i guess you just feel intrigued by coincidences because thats the way your head works and you could link the origins of all of our logical knowledge and theories into that...
guess theres not enough common understanding of things we think of... or not enough creativity to express it in terms of things more clearly defined... and thus.. the things we do think of and cant express are completely meaningless save for motivation to find meaning.. [see, when i read this 6 months later, i realised that, "thinking" is the wrorng word, and i was actually referring to "Feeling"]
last modified 01/06/26 01:22:37